One night, while randomly scrolling through some Youtube videos, I came across a Ted Talk by Emilie Wapnick titled “Why some of us don’t have one true calling”. Most Ted Talks I had seen till then had been educational, sometimes motivational, but it was the first time that a Ted Talk felt personal. While she talks about multipotentialities, and in all my humbleness, mixed with inferiority complex I do not wanna call myself that, I can relate to the feeling of not knowing a specific direction I want to follow in life. There are way too many avenues for me to explore, and unlike Robert Frost, I cannot walk down a single road, because I am so afraid that choosing a road “that made all the difference” will make me lose out on the experiences of the other ones. That FOMO feeling is real!
Growing up with a gynaecologist mother, for a while, I wanted to be a doctor. I even had a specialisation in mind – possibly a neurosurgeon, and needless to say, the Indian household was happy to have influenced me into thinking this way. But an innocuous child’s fragile mind is open to changes, and soon I realised that even though I loved solving equations and permutations, subjects as diverse as history, literature or even astronomy appealed to me equally. Let me point out here, that the willingness to learn something and the willingness to pursue it need not necessarily mean the same thing. The way our education system is designed (I used to go to a typical Indian school where choices were narrowed down, and nobody knew the concept of interdisciplinary domains), we are made to make a choice at every intersection instead of enjoying the beauty of the intersection. So when the time came for me to decide a “career path” as they call it, I became a part of the herd too and went on to pursue Engineering. That seemed like a reasonable choice, when based on my aptitude for Maths and Physics, but I hadn’t taken other parameters into account back then. Not unsurprisingly, it turned out to be a disasterous decision, but those 4 years helped me embrace my inner wiring.
Being a shy kid and an introvert, reeling under low self-confidence, I had mostly kept away from people other than my close circle of friends. Stage fright, anxiety, fear of failure – I had it all. But it was high time I confronted them, and I did. Thus began my adventure of learning – photography, movies, politics, looking for small shacks selling pork/beef etc etc – things that were very remotely related to each other but appealing nonetheless. Now, I was not the kind of person who got introduced to 12 Angry Men during her childhood. My parents weren’t so smart. So I had to endure a lot of shitty movies before I found my liking in Middle Eastern socio-political dramas which gradually grew my interest in the political turmoil in this heated warzone. My time in the after-hours of college didn’t go in revising what went in class, but more into reviewing and critically analysing movies I saw, delving right in and getting lost in the maze till I heard the morning birds chirping (we all know how the search engine works). Everytime I picked a “hobby”, it would reach an obsessive stage – a peak, after which the interest slowly starts to fade out. My understanding of the world grew, and so did my curiosity. So like a true millenial, I enrolled for a number of Coursera courses which I haven’t finished till date. With the attention span of a goldfish, and interests varying as a step function, this became a regular pattern. The moment I convinced myself I had sufficient knowledge in a field, I would get bored and pick up something else. This got transmitted to my personal life with failed relationships, but let’s leave that discussion for another day.
When you have ample time in hand and life doesn’t ask you to define your path, you have the liberty to enjoy the learning curve. But soon enough, I started feeling like a misfit – in spite of my repeated efforts, I couldn’t find my true calling, I couldn’t visualise where I saw myself in 5 years. Others seemed to have advanced in their paths, while I was still struggling to keep up. This, coupled with other factors in life led me to depression, and discovering the fascinating world of psychology and WebMD, I became my own doctor (DO NOT VENTURE INTO THAT TERRITORY). Now that’s not necessarily a bad interest to grow, but it’s detrimental for a person already bearing the brunt of the disease. Soon enough, I had convinced myself of my mental illness, which were at least a dozen in number, and thought that I was beyond repair. I wanted to see myself as multi-talented, but all I saw before the mirror was a failure – a person who tried becoming a Jack of all trades but ended up being the master of none.
So what’s the point of wasting your time? Why have I started this narcissitic article to speak about things that don’t necessarily mean anything to most people? For a person who has tried to always shut herself from the world, it takes a lot to share snippets of her life in a platform open to all. But the reason I took to writing this is because I know I am not the only one with this indecisiveness. There are a lot of people who, like me are fascinated by everything under the sun, people who are not passionate about a single thing but find joy in multiple things. The process of continuous learning gives them the high, more than the activity itself. The fact that these things are challenging till you master them is what drives you to it, and then all of a sudden, when you start to get the flair of it, you become less and less interested and choose to let it go. You need not necessarily always excel in all of these, become a “Multipotentialite” or a “Renaissance Soul”, but the fact that you can invest your energy and be a beginner everytime is what makes you unique. If there’s one thing I have learnt from my (often unsuccessful) cooking endeavours, it’s that each spice has its distinct flavours, but the real taste lies when you combine all of it.
People keep hobbies – they define hobbies as things that you do in your leisure time. However, for people suffering from this syndrome of ever changing interests, these “hobbies” consume us, they become more than just pastime, they become like an addiction till you finally go to rehab and realise the negative effects of it. But even then, you needn’t let that attitude go. You just need to dispose off the people who make you feel guilty for the person you are. You may never become a specialist, you may never stick to one job, you may never in your lifetime reach the pinnacles of success the way the world defines it. But then again, why try to fit a mold that is clearly not meant for you?
Instead, think of it this way. You’ll never be the boring person in parties, you can always make new friends because of your extensive knowledge in varied domains, and most importantly, you will never get bored with yourself because you will always be attracted to picking up new skills. You don’t need to go in a definite direction and go on perfecting it, unless that is the only thing that drives you. Embrace your individuality, and embrace your many desires. Life is too short to not give everything a chance, and you’re an explorer, my friend!
Note: This advice doesn’t at all work in case of relationships. Any accusation will not to be entertained.
Wonderfully written. You know what, most of us ordinary folks suffer from this choice dilemma but too afraid to speak of. You are not the captain of a rudderless ship, rather a ship that wants to visit many ports and imbibe the experience into life. So, as they say Bon Voyage!
P.S: I am sure your parents want you to stay just as you are.
You showed me the way, buddy!
Shreya ……indeed a wonderful piece of experience ridden passionate writing…… woven with entrepreneurial skills in literature…… and real life expectancies…… EXCELLENT……..!!!!!! Dreams are there to keep yourself ready to chase …….👍
Haha, that’s very very flattering! I love to write, and I am glad you liked it 🙂
Shreya you are a polymath.
You will be a great movie director and you are already a very good writer.
Both these traits are actually good to have in a doctor who scripts and influences the narratives in her patient’s lives.
If you or your colleagues want to know more how to make movies out of patient’s lives, here is the link to an elective program that may help. Click here https://promotions.bmj.com/jnl/bmj-case-reports-student-electives-2/
Haha, that’s too much to assume!
But thank you, I will definitely go through it!
Wonderfully written. All the best for your future….
Thanks 🙂
Well. After reading your article, I feel I’ve never tried taking a different road to try out new things. It’s not that I don’t enjoy what I’m doing. But I’m pretty sure I’m missing out on a lot.
Most of the time, I let it go because I think it might be interfering with my primary goals. Gotta try and change it.
Also, I’m sure your article is going to connect with people on more levels than you can imagine. Great going!!
Haha..If you are happy doing what you are, then it’s wonderful! But I believe, for most things, it’s never too late to explore. We are always looking for “stability” and “security”, and in the process, letting go of things that interfere with that goal. It might pan out well for most people, but I believe I am not really cut out for that.
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