You left.
As the sky slowly turned orange
and the streetlamps blinked to life,
The horizon bore shadows
of a flock of birds
flying back to their nest;
You walked away
leaving me without a home.
I sat down on the ground
Not knowing how to weep,
Not even feeling like it;
A sense of relief rising within –
I felt liberated
As if the poison was
slowly being sucked out of me
And I could breathe again.
I could still hear your footsteps
down the hallway,
The thud of the elevator
as it came to a halt
and took you away.
I didn’t rush to the balcony
to see you get in the car,
Slowly driving away
Leaving behind
the life
we both had built together.
Goodbyes have always been hard for me.
I leave –
abruptly,
without a notice
like an escapist.
But I didn’t know
I had taught you to
do the same.
I sat in the same place
as the darkness descended
Wondering
Will you ever come back?
But more importantly
Did I even want you to?
The last couple months
Flashed before my eyes
The fights,
The cries,
The lonely nights,
The lack of touch,
and the gradual indifference.
Is this how
Forever comes to an end?
How promises are broken?
How love is lost?
Love that promised to stay forever?
As the first drop of tear
rolled down my cheeks,
I couldn’t feel your fingers
wiping it off.
But I had stopped feeling them
For a while now.
The gaping void inside
now projected into
The silence of the room
And for the first time,
I felt scared.
I used to say
Love becomes a habit,
And you were my habit.
The one I woke up to
The one I relied on for the morning tea
The one I stole food from
The one I got food for
The one I roped in to watch trashy movies
The one I trusted with my drunk self
The one I cribbed and cried to
The one I went for a run with
The one I went to bed with
The one I spent every minute
Of the last year with,
And yet never got tired of.
Old habits die hard, they say.
And you’re still a fresh wound.
Like that burn from a hot oil –
It was unprecedented pain at first
But it soon stopped hurting.
I tried to cover it up with bandaids
So I wouldn’t have to look at it
Hoping that when I do
It wouldn’t appear so bad.
The scars,
I doubt they will go away.
Maybe fade with time,
Or maybe live long enough
To remind me of my mistakes
Or the hot fritters I enjoyed on a rainy day.