The Heartless Girl

The eighteen year old me
Hated watching romcoms ;
For they showed happy endings
And I was still
Hopelessly searching for happiness
After you left me
In the cold November rain
Saying that
You did not want to settle
For warmth.

So I taught myself to endure
The damage you did,
So that nobody else
Could come close
And break that
Fragile little heart
Into a thousand pieces
As they tried to mend their own.

But there came many
Who offered to heal
Gently caressing,
And collecting the shards
Of pain
Turning them into petals.
“So romantic”, I thought,
Till I realized
I was in love
With the idea of love.
And they weren’t.
To them,
Love was purer
And new and pristine
Not growing from the thorns
But from the freshly soaked wet earth.

I didn’t know what it took
To feel the emotions again –
How to dance in the rain
How to run free and wild in the valleys,
How to ride waves together,
How to share an ice cream tub,
How to shiver with the goosebumps
That love gave.
So I began
By loving myself,
And did all those things alone.
Till I realised
That the concept of love
Being fed to us
Is too skewed,
And unaccommodating.

I realised that my delicate heart
Is best handled
By the broken girl
With unkempt hair
But eyes twinkling
From the prospect of an adventure;
With oversized clothes
But tough boots
Ready to explore the wild;
With a heavy backpack
But a light mind
Looking to soak in experiences;
With a closed heart
But open enough
To love the world again,
For she realised
That she’s not a glass
That breaks
But clay
That keeps getting moulded-
Each time
More resilient than before.

6 Replies to “The Heartless Girl”

He who must not be named says: Reply

June 23, 2019 at 10:50 AM

You are beginning a journey into the unknown. And yes you have identified correctly your best friend i.e yourself.
Remember ‘ Help will be there for those who ask for it’.