I woke up alone today.
Two weeks have passed,
and I no longer miss seeing your face
as I squint my eyes to
block out the sunlight.
On some days,
It’s easy to freshen up,
make myself some tea,
and get to work.
But on others,
I half expect to hear the door creaking
as you come in from the shower
and remind me the time,
shaking your head in disapproval.
Two weeks have passed,
and I no longer feel the aching pain
as I remember your touch
and how you held me.
On some days,
I compensate by hugging myself
on a chilly winter day
as I sit gazing at the stars.
But on others,
I half expect to suddenly have you
hold me from behind
as I chop up vegetables
and add warmth to the cold kitchen.
Two weeks have passed,
and I no longer cry at your memories
as I look around the house
and feel your presence all around.
On some days,
I am too absorbed
to notice our photo book
that you gifted me for Christmas.
But on others,
I half expect to hear a knock
and open the door to you
with a crate of wine and bourbon
giving me an early Christmas present.
Two weeks have passed,
and I no longer try to delete pictures
as I scroll through my gallery
and spot our goofy smiles.
On some days,
I validate myself
by posting some selfies
on social media.
But on others,
I half expect to catch you
sneakily taking pictures of me
when I look my worst,
but to you, the most adorable.
Two weeks have passed,
and I no longer want to take a break
to kiss your face
and feel rejuvenated again.
On some days,
I don’t need a break,
I am too distracted and busy
with getting work done.
But on others,
I half expect to have you around
to calm my panicky self down,
remind me to trust myself
and to tell me you love me.
Two weeks have passed,
but I still miss you.
Not to have you back
but to remind me
of the companion
I shared a part of myself with.
A nice one!
Sometimes it feels like not going back to the same place I used to call home, without you it isn’t the same. There’s always a part of us which always leaves with that person, maybe we miss that the most, or maybe not. I know it’s tough to recollect yourself but don’t run away, breathe, just breathe, you have yourself, I have myself. Maybe that’s all we get in this moment but isn’t that good enough? It’s better to fall and stand than to believe we never fell. Isn’t this what strength should be defined as? To fall and still believe in yourself. I do miss myself, the part of me that left with you, the kind of companion you were to me, on some deep down days I do ask myself, why? But somehow the line of questioning ends with me realising that I just have me and maybe, that’s enough. I guess we outgrew each other, I guess this millennial life makes switching roles a lot easier, maybe I’m afraid to accept that I’m human in this world of internet and options. I do miss you, sometimes a lot more than I wish to accept but that’s okay. Everything’s okay, I miss it being great, what’s great is now oblivious to me.
Idk I just wrote this after reading some of your blogs. Everything’s gonna be alright, hug yourself on some of those days 🙂
It’s beautiful, what you wrote! 🙂